Phoebe Allen's web cam is up again this year, showing mother hummingbird taking care of a couple of younglings. You'll find it here: http://PhoebeAllens.com/nochat.html

I got the small zine "How to draw like a Nut" last week and have been pouring over it today. A bit. I love Andrea Joseph's style, and perhaps, in time I can copy it well enough to be a tribute to her.
You can get it here: http://www.etsy.com/listing/64243069/new-zine-how-to-draw

I often think that to accomplish something, I take a step forward, then another, then another, until I arrive. Ta Dah! But life doesn't always progress in that tidy a manner. It's often two steps forward and one step back. Then two steps forward and one step back. In time, after I have seen some success, I may find it's five steps forward and one step back, then 10, then more, but especially at the beginning, being in that backward step feels like a relapse. 

It's discouraging. Along with the discouragement comes fear that I'll keep moving backwards, fear that there will never be any more forward steps.

Yet if I remember that "two steps forward and one step back" is often the way life works, I can see that backward step differently.

I can see it as a necessary part of bringing all aspects of my being up to speed. In my mind I may be ready to grow, but my emotions might still need some healing. I have a yoga teacher who talks about "issues in the tissues." If our "issues in the tissues" haven't had a chance to release, then that backward step can be a good way to integrate the issues with the new me. It's like there's a tiny little scared knot, sitting in my belly or mind, one that cries and worries and doesn't want to give ground because it's comfortable where it is, and it's scared that it will lose its comfort forever. Poor scared thing. It needs reassurance and support during these changes. It needs me to take that backward step and hold its hand while we move ahead together.

Or I can see the backward step as a way of rediscovering all I'm leaving behind by moving ahead. There's nothing like a relapse to help me remember why I was moving ahead. Right. This wasn't working for me.

When I feel stuck in the backward step and motivation levels are dropping, it can help to remember how good it feels when in the forward steps. It may feel like a different sort of good than I'm used to, but it feels good enough that I can aspire to get to know it better. When I gave up sugar in my coffee, I substituted it for cream. It took a few days to adjust, but I liked the change. My coffee was still good, just good in a different way.

When I'm stuck in the backward step for what feels like too long a time -- well, anything longer than a nanosecond feels like too long -- I may forget that this issue may be out of my control. Bigger forces may be at work than I can push against all by myself. If I've been in "try, try again" mode and blaming myself for not seeing progress, remembering that no man is an island can make things easier.

Being in that backward step can be pretty uncomfortable, but when I find myself there, maybe I can see it can as a good thing. Maybe it's giving me a chance to get to know where I am coming from and where I am going.

Through it all, I can take heart by remembering that just by aspiring to make progress, I do.