When I was quitting smoking (the hardest thing I ever did, by the way) I discovered how strong visualization can be in my success. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was creating a strong image of an intentional action in my mind. Visualization on its own wasn't enough. Paired with a strong intention, it made the difference for me. Here's how it worked:

When I was struggling, I often chose not to torture myself with the cravings, but gave myself permission to fail if necessary. I was smoking more than two packs a day so the cravings were AWFUL. I gave myself permission to fail, more to be loving to myself than to give myself an out. When I made this decision, I flashed an image in my mind of me craving beyond tolerance and then driving to town to pick up a pack of cigarettes. Well, you can guess the result. As soon as the cravings became intolerable, I drove to town, bought a pack smoked one cigarette and then hated myself for giving in. But one day, I noticed how strong the tie-in was between this mental image and the end result. So I thought "If my mind is strong enough to take me to town to buy a pack maybe I can turn this around and use it to my advantage." I stopped where I was. I tried to decide what mental image might work the best to bring about a better result, and settled on seeing myself standing in front of the store display and saying to myself with happy relief, "I am so glad that I am finished with this."

This wasn't just creative visualization, it was setting specific intention. Like a computer program: IF (or WHEN) I am standing in a shop seeing a display, THEN I will say to myself "I am so glad I am done with this." 

I added punch to the process by infusing it with emotion, both the making of the intention, and the intention itself. While building the intention in my mind, I infused a feeling of play and optimism into the process. I felt it could really help. In the visualization itself, I infused a feeling of relief into the picture while I said, "I'm so glad..."

The day I figured this out was the turning point in my struggle to quit smoking. Up to that point I felt helpless. Affirmations felt like lies. Visualization by itself was great, but it seemed to be as much about potential as the affirmations. Not yet true, not yet believable. But this helped. By feeling that I had one small tool that could help, my frustration lifted a bit. As my frustration and stress lifted, so, naturally, did my ability to deal with cravings.

Intention can't be vague. It's action-packed. Deciding that you won't put up with your testosterone-drenched 13 year old yelling at you when his hormones are out of control, can't be done with a vague "Don't yell at me," or "Treat me with respect, I am your mother," no matter how strongly you say it. But the same IF-THEN model of intention can work here for setting boundaries. A calm, "If you continue to yell at me, then I will leave the room" gives him clear consequences for his unruly behaviour and it demonstrates your own respect for yourself. Notice how the THEN part is always an action. 

You can set up this strategy in advance, the way I did with the smoking thing using the combination of visualization and intention, punched up with a layer of good emotion. In an optimistic and playful frame of mind, you could say to yourself, "When my son gets agitated and starts yelling at me, then I will keep my calm and tell him that if he continues, I'll leave the room. Then, if I have to, I will calmly leave the room." 

Here's another one: Say I have decided I want to take 5 minutes after supper to do a short meditation (or take a walk, or have a just-for-me-pause.) I can feel really good about the benefits I'll get from this, and use that energy to set up the intention. So going into it I already feel energized. Then in my mind I visualize myself finishing the dishes, hanging up the tea towel, and then setting the egg timer and saying to myself, "Here's my 5 minutes. This evening I plan to just lay on my back with my feet up the wall. It'll feel wonderful to get the kinks out."

Using the WHEN/THEN or IF/THEN approach to the visualization and intention is an active approach to change. If inertia has made it hard to make some sort of change, then this might be just the action needed to get the ball rolling.

There were 7 or 8 of them nibbling at the seeds from the shrub in my garden. Too early for Spring, but it's nice to see them come out of the bush now and then during Winter.

Back to Janet's website.

Back to Janet's website.

Back to Janet's website.

At a Zen Meditation seminar this last weekend, the teacher, Edward Espe Brown suggested a simple little thing to help us at the times when we might feel our thoughts spiralling downwards:

If we feel sad, acknowledge it but then follow that with an intention to feel joyful. He suggested we say "I feel sad right now. Nevertheless, I will be joyful and happy." If we are uncertain or scared or angry, we do the same. "I feel scared. Nevertheless I will be joyful and happy." Or phrase it like, "Even though I am angry right now, I will feel joyful and happy."

I've been using it on a sticky problem and it really helps lift my spirits.

Intention is like setting the stage. 
It doesn't make any promises. 
There may be bigger forces at work. 
But it does increase our chances when we put an intention out there.

(From Starry Night 0706, June 2005)