When I was a teenager, I felt everything deeply, passionately, and loved the sensation of experiencing every emotion I felt. It felt rich and alive to be over the moon with joy. It felt acutely sad to cry along with a sad song when my heart was broken. I encouraged myself to get carried away by the intensity of the feelings. I knew, with the certainty that teenagers have, that I was the only person in the world who felt these feelings so acutely.

I'm not a teenager any more.

I'm less likely to make each feeling a dramatic event, but sometimes some of the sense of isolation is still present, especially when what I'm feeling is worry, disappointment, sadness, or envy. When we feel bad, it often seems like we're the only people in the world who feel this way.

I was worried the other day about a sick family member. Worry won't help. There's nothing I can do at the moment. I know all that. But worry rises now and again anyhow, and along with it, that mild sense of isolation.

But then I remembered tonglen, a sending and receiving breathing practice. I breathed deeply and easily, accepting the feelings as they were, not trying to change them into anything else. I realized that at that very moment there were thousands of people like me across the world who were worried about loved ones who were sick. Right at that moment. And my heart went out to them. On the in-breath I reached out with my heart and mind to myself and to all those others who felt the same, accepting the fear and worry. With the out-breath I felt my compassion go out to us all. I repeated a few times and felt better right away.

I like this exercise because it allows me to be as I am, to feel what I feel. It's a kindness to myself to accept whatever feelings rise. As it is a kindness to others who are in the same boat. A few simple sharing breaths can make a big difference. That sense of isolation vanishes.

The same morning, I saw a newsletter in my in-box from Padma. In her "practice for the month," she suggested that as we breathe, "Remember that every person is breathing." As we think, "know that every person is thinking." As we feel restless in meditation, "just allow yourself to sit in comfort and let these natural movements of life remind you that you are a part of a whole humanity."

It did.

It reminded me that when I feel bad, sharing feelings of sadness, envy, or disappointment can bring relief from the isolation and by tapping into that well of community I also tap into the well of compassion and joy that is the basis of our humanity.

After all, we're all in the same boat.

Padma's website

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